I wanted to chronicle my first trip to Hawaii for everyone that contributed to this trip as a wedding gift for Whitney and I last year. As you probably know she planned a surprise trip to Mexico, but when we put the offer on our house and my transition to a new job it made the timing difficult. So we postponed our trip until 2013 and opted for Hawaii to visit the amazing Jones Family!

Being the romantic dude that I am, I opted for first class tickets the day of the trip to surprise the wife. The thought of free alcohol was enough to justify the cost in her mind, but when we saw the menu it made it a bargain. The first thing I remember from first class is that the girl sitting in front of me had a font so large on her iPhone that I was able to see it from the row behind her. Even better was that I saw her text three different guys with "Would rather be doin you right now". She sounded like a lot of fun, but her position of most random person I would like to rage face with was usurped by the senior citizen next to her who ordered 15+ drinks on the five hour flight. Starting off with a whiskey and wine before takeoff caught my attention. Stumbling over the girl in your aisle a handful of times was also noteworthy, but hitting the flight attendant call light button as if you owned the plane had my envy. It even reminded me of this scene in my favorite movie Pulp Fiction.Wednesday, August 7thOn our first day we packed up the car and traveled down to Lanikai Beach. Sand was white, water was warm and clear, and the babes were in abundance. It's a unique setting with a couple islands a few hundred meters away that people paddle board to. My beach routine consists of a three part cycle of laying out, getting in the water when I overheat, and then drinking beer when I come back to shore - repeat. We spent a couple hours there and headed back to Da Jones House. We stopped at a liquor store to stock up on booze and grab some lunch. They had a deli in the liquor store that sold at least six varieties of ahi poke salad. Hidden local gem and delish. I was also pissed that even though they import booze thousands of miles to Hawaii it's still cheaper than local Seattle prices #jealous. In the residential neighborhood the Jones live in there was a fisherman named the Ahi Assassin. Dude hooked me up with three pounds of sashimi grade ahi for $20. It was also my first exposure to the broken pigeon accents of Hawaiins as he gave me "Neighbah price".We cooked dinner at home which was mashed purple sweet potatoes, seared ahi tuna, sliced avocado and a cilantro ginger soy-sauce drizzled on top. These were perfectly complimented by Miles' famous Mai Tai's. Great food, amazing company, and in bed before midnight. In fact it gets dark around 7PM in Hawaii which made me appreciate the long summer days in the PNW.Thursday, August 8thI took over Rose's kitchen to make breakfast for Miles before work. I used the leftover sweet potatoes to make potato pancakes then topped them with a fried egg, bacon bits & grilled onions. The only thing that could have made this better would be sticking an umbrella in the middle of it. We loaded up the cooler with pineapple, homemade ahi poke, and beers to head to Waimea Bay. This was one of the most unique beaches I've ever been to. As I approached the water I noticed that half of the beach was lined up with Filipino fisherman while the other half is filled with a combination of locals and tourists enjoying the deep blue water. The water drops off almost immediately when you step into it. I wondered if anyone has ever accidentally swam into the fisherman area and whether someone has been accidentally hooked in the mouth. I just stuck with the other side with the rest of the Haole's (pronounced how-lee) which is the Hawaiin term for white people. The sand was less granulated than it was at Lanikai, which felt like a sticky mixture of sand and wood chips if they were the size of course salt. The girls at this beach wore much better bikinis than they do on Alki Beach in West Seattle, which made the wife wonder if it's time for her to upgrade.After a couple hours at the beach we headed to North Shore to get some food and do some shopping. At the bikini store Whitney asked the 24 year old girl working at the local shop if it's time for her to upgrade to one of the thong or g-string bikinis she saw the locals wearing at Waimea Bay, to which she responded "I only wear the grannies when I go to the beach with my parents". Way to make a 30 year old feel like she's 50.I had an equally embarrassing experience when I was shopping for a new pair of Haviana sandals and the young Hawaiin gal told me "Most men order the more masculine ones". Geez thanks!We got food at Dat Cajun Guy food truck and some fish tacos at another shrimp truck. Nothing like authentic Cajun cuisine 2,000 miles from Louisiana...Friday, August 8thRose was tired of me taking over the kitchen so we decided to go to brunch at the local pancake house. In an attempt to taste as much of the local cuisine as possible we ordered way too much food. We had brined pork hash, a Belgian waffle, Loco Moco - which is a heap of white rice topped with a hamburger patty, egg sunny-side up, and smothered in brown gravy. Of course I topped that all off with two ginormous chocolate chip pancakes that I was unwilling to share. After my belly was distended beyond comfort, we decided to hit da beach! Whitney had on her skimpy new thong bikini

After a couple hours of tanning her white buns we got back in the car and headed back to the Jones House. When Miles got home from work we ate some ahi poke salad, grilled some steaks, made some cocktails and chilled all night. Miles downloaded some music and not only gave his computer a virus but had both of us out of commission for the next 24 hours. I now can't drink Campari without thinking getting nauseated Saturday, August 9thSaturday was a blur as both Miles and I were nauseated all night and the next day. The girls ran errands while we slept it off. Luckily it was storming all day and we didn't miss any potential beach time. Rose took us to their favorite restaurant for dinner, a Japanese pancake house named Yaki Yaki Miwa. We tried beef tongue, octopus, kim chi, and the savory Japanese pancakes. We ended our feast with fresh Wasabi cocktails at another Japanese bar. It's their version of shots of tequila with salt and lime. This isn't your garden variety wasabi that you receive with your sushi, it was fresh wasabi that's shaped and textured like capers, but with wasabi flavor. First you shoot the wasabi, then you take the shot of Kettle One Vodka, immediately followed by your nose immediately feeling like Japanese gasoline was poured down your throat. We ended the evening at Bubbies Homemade Ice Cream. Of course I had to order two desserts - Strawberry Mochi and the Hard Headed Woman Ice Cream Cake which was a layer of mint chocolate chip ice cream over oreo ice cream sitting on an oreo cookie crust and topped with fudge and whipped cream. They should call this heaven.

Sunday, August 10th

We slept in before heading off to Miles' company BBQ right next to Lanikai Beach. His boss was cool as shit and loved football, so we got along really well. He also had a hot Asian/Hawaiin girlfriend that was tiny with huge cans. She's way more into him than he is to her. We played football for a couple hours then cooled off at the beach. The food was amazing as there was about 20 pounds of seared ahi, brined pork, fried chicken, mac salad, and noodles.

Sunday night we got take out and watched the new episode of Breaking Bad. The girls wanted Pho and I had to try the local Panda Express, which never fails to deliver. I had to bust out one of my favorite Hawaiin phrases for it "Broke da mouff". Actually, Miles teaching me how to speak like a local was one of my favorite parts of the trip. If he wasn't such a ginger he would fit right in.

Monday, August 11th

On our last day we had a 1PM flight to catch so we hit the beach early and took Rosscoe the dog with us. The last time we brought him along he wouldn't obey our commands so we decided to use his abandonment issues to our advantage. Every time he wandered off we would run in the opposite direction and scream his name. He would come sprinting from a hundred yards away to avoid being left behind. After twenty times then he was barely able to walk, which meant it was time to take him home and catch our flight.

Aloha! And thank you again for everyone who contributed to the trip as your wedding present to us.